I dunnnnno.
I just have this weird feeling. It's not really bad, it's not really good. It's just a feeling I have. We'll see.
1 month until it's time to submit my residency applications. I still have a TON of things to take care of!!!! It's nerve racking. But I'm going to do what I gotta do and leave everything to God.
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Still single. Still waiting. Things took a slight unexpected turn, but it's okay.
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Not sure if I mentioned this before, but I have a friend who I no longer see as a friend. When I started med school, I made it a goal to be different. I didn't do much in undergrad when it came to socializing and partying. So I saw med school as my time to make new friends and have some fun. Unfortunately, I was forcing myself into the wrong crowd. I met a girl, lets say her name is "Tammy." Well Tammy is a few years older than me and was definitely different. She has this free spirit. I felt that she would be the perfect person to help me discover what I was "missing" in college. Everything was okay at first, so I thought. She introduced me to alcohol, got me drunk, and all that bad stuff. But I can't blame her. It was my fault. My head was not in the right place and I wasn't being true to myself. She became my bff, we did everything together and people started calling us twins. There came a point when I realized she wasn't a true friend. It was a one sided friendship. I realized it got to a point where she wanted me around to support HER and be there to be HER cheerleader. However, she did not want to do those same things for me. She is one of those people that loves to be around you when things are going bad, so that she feels better. But when things are good, she gets the shady attitude.
Eventually, she met a guy. He is someone I don't approve of, and deep down I feel that he is not a good person. They moved in together, got engaged, and will be getting married soon. Since they got together, things became distant between us. I actually liked this because I knew that she wasn't a good influence in my life. The time that we were bffs was one of the lowest points of my life. I behaved in ways that I am ashamed of, I was lazy and didn't focus on my school work like I should have, and worst of all, I distanced myself from God. When I opened my eyes and saw that this was an unfruitful friendship, I realized I needed to make some changes.
The ONLY problem is that she doesn't get it. She won't let go. She has nothing to offer me, and I have nothing to offer her. I realize that being around her is not good for my spirit. Something about her presence drains me of all my energy. I try to do things and drop hints so that she will realize that we aren't "that way" anymore. I thought maybe I could just tell her that I didn't want to be her friend anymore. However, that's not really possible since we are still "close" since we live near each other and are in the same class. I just have to wait. I don't like it, but I guess this is the best way.
I don't think I can describe how frustrating it is. I no longer call, text or contact her in anyway. I need to do what's best for ME. I realized that it's okay for me to be selfish sometimes.
So yea. That's that.
