Update

Tomorrow is my last day of pedi inpatient!! yay!

But it made me realize I loooove babies! Can't wait till I have one.

My car is broken. Last person that said they were gonna fix it only fixed half of it. So I'm hoping it will get TOTALLY fixed before I go home next weekend. I'm soooo happy to be going back home!!!

I need money... so I can shop shop shop. I need a bigger closet. This little hole in the wall I have right now is NOT cuttin it!

I'm doin good. Feeling good. I'm happy.

: )

Really?

Soooo. The other day I'm just minding my business in the Pedi Endocrine office and I get a phone call. It was my friend saying that her bf found a Nigerian guy for me. So her bf thinks I'm like super lonely, and thinks that it's really sad that I've been single for 3ish years, so he was TRYING to help me out. So I ask her what he looks like. And she's like I dunno. She wanted me to DRIVE down to her bf job so that I could accidentally run into the guy. UMMMMM NO. I don't do that and I'm not that desperate. So I tell her to tell her bf to take a pic. I wasn't expecting much, about a minute later, I get the picture............................................................

All I could say was eeew. He was NOT attractive in any way shape of form. I was actually offended when I saw the picture. He said he was 24, but he like 44. It was a mess. I could NOT believe he thought I would date someone like that.


Anyways, I don't know what has gotten in to me lately. I've been shopping WAAAAY to much. I'm going to struggle and not spend anything until Christmas time. Let's see how well that goes.

DANG!!

I was doing sooooo well!!! I was okay with being single. I've been feeling fierce and fabulous for the past couple of months. Now all of a sudden I've got the single female blues! FAIL. Mr. Banana got married like 2 weeks ago and I was totally ok with it. I don't have feelings for him or anything so it's not like I was sad that he was getting married. I got a gift for him and the bride (something my friends said I shouldn't have done) and I was feeling totally ok. Today he sent me a text saying thanks for the gift. I asked how it felt to be married and he said it was great. And then all of a sudden I just started feeling exxxxtra lonely. Then I started day dreaming about being married, having someone to hold, kiss, share your life with etc. I mean I'm always daydreaming about that stuff.... but today it just kind of hurt for some reason. I'm starting to get restless. Everywhere I go, I wonder if I'm about to bump into my future husband. It's really sad. Really really sad. I wish the feeling would go AWAY, but I can't seem to control it anymore. Maybe after med school, during residency? Sigh. Oh well, I better suck it up and go on about my business.

I started reading that book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, I think it's by Josh Harris. I wish I had read this book before I started high school. It would have save me from a lot of drama, heart ache and pain. I don't 100% agree with everything I've read so far, but he does have some pretty valid points.

I just need to do better.

Just whatever

so yea. I'm back home now for my family med rotation. Feels good to be home. I've gained 4 lbs and I've only been home for 1 week.

Just been feeling like whatever lately. Feeling really tired and lazy right now.

I'm still waiting. Don't know when it's going to happen. Don't know where I'm going to meet him. I'm just waiting. Going about my business, and taking things one day at a time. But every now and then I just get that feeling. Like it would be nice to have someone to go the movies with, or have someone to cuddle with. Sometimes I miss having those late night conversations when you first meet a guy. Sometimes I wonder what he's going to look like. How tall is he going to be? Will I be swept of my feet? I have no idea. I just have to wait and see what God has in store for me.

So yea.

ugh

I hate med school right now. Hope it gets better when I get to another rotation.

Updates

It's 12:04am and I should be studying for my surgery shelf exam, or sleeping. But instead I'm blogging, watching t.v. and online shopping. I was super scared about my surgery rotation but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Yesterday was my last trauma call. I still don't want to be a surgeon though. I so excited, I just found out that I get to go home for my family medicine rotation. ONE MONTH AT HOME!!!! That means I get to go to the state fair this year! And I get to eat my mommy's good food!!! And I get to see my friends!! YAY!!!


My grandmother died July 16. It was very unexpected. We were planning on going to Nigeria to visit her this December. My mom hasn't gone back to Nigerian since she left 20+ years ago. She just wanted to see her mom before she died. So when my dad called me and told me the news, I was so devastated. I didn't know what to do or say. I just cried. She wasn't supposed to die yet. I wanted to finally meet her. I wanted her to meet my future husband. I wanted her to hold her great-grand kids. My heart was hurting for my mother because I know how badly she wanted to see her mom. But what can you do? When God says it's time, it's time. Rest in peace grandma. I love you.

STEP 1 is DONE!

sooooo. I'M DONE WITH USMLE STEP-1 !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I took it on June 2, and I've never felt so free in my life. I'm back home with my family and I'm being as lazy as I possibly can. I've lost 15 pounds since I've started med school, and I'm struggling to gain it back. I didn't even realize that I lost 5 more pounds during the last month of STEP 1 studying. It wasn't until I got home and everyone kept making comments about my weight. I decided to step on a scale, and saw that I weighed 130 lbs. I haven't weighed 130 lbs since junior high. I had also been wearing the same baggy boyfriend jeans and t-shirts for the past few months, so I didn't really notice the extra 5 lb weight loss. But now that I'm home sleeping and eating all day, I've gained 4 lbs!!! woo hoo!!!

I'm not ready to start school again. 3rd year starts on the 28th, but we start orientation next Monday. I have my surgery rotation 1st. 8 weeks of hell. I HATE surgery. I don't want to be a surgeon, it's just not my thing. I'm praying that those 8 weeks go by quickly, or that I'll miraculously develop a love for surgery. I'm actually scared to start 3rd yr. What if I just totally suck at everything? Haven't had any patient interaction since early April, and I feel like I've forgotten how to do a full H&P. Well, all I can do is pray and work as hard as I possibly can. 2 MORE YEARS LEFT!!!!!!! Jeez, time is flying by!!!!

So now that STEP 1 is done, I need a boo. Hahaha j/k. I'm not in a hurry. I'm going to be patient and leave it to God. And besides, STEP 1 broke me DOWN and I'm still trying to recover. I hadn't shaved my legs in MONTHSSSSSS and stopped taking care of my hair. My feet, oh Lord, my feet look a HOT mess! Oh and my eyebrows are just eeeew! And I feel like I've lost ALL fashion sense. But STEP 1 is DONE, and I'm taking my life back.

Anti- Socialite

I've been so irritated lately. Lately it's just been me, myself and I. Oh yea, and my books. I study so much that I just get too tired to interact with people. I despise going to school because I'm sick of seeing my classmates, and I don't want to talk to them. I don't want to talk to ANYBODY right now. I'm ready to get this stupid exam over with so I can go home and see my family. I am soooo home sick. UGH!

Lord help me.

Mr. Banana

"....infidelity is not who you lie with, its whom you lie to"

This is what I just saw on this guy's status on facebook. We'll call him Mr. Banana. I met Mr. Banana at the end of November of 2008. I met him online and found out he went to my college, so we would talk and hang out at school, etc. For about 5 months we kind of dated and had some weird fling. At first I was head over heels and I was certain I would marry this guy. But I quickly realized I didn't really like him that much. I was also about to move away for med school and I didn't want to try the whole long distance relationship thing. It was odd, cuz every other week, he would ask me when I was going to get a boyfriend. I would tell him I didn't know, but I was not ready for one at the moment. Then he would say that he wasn't ready for one either. In the beginning, we agreed that we were just having fun, and that our relationship/friendship was nothing serious. But I can recall SEVERAL times where he would get mad at things, and I'd have to remind him that he wasn't my boyfriend. So at the end of April 2008, I told him straight up that I did not like him, and that I only saw him as a friend. All he said was "WOW." So I moved away for school. A few months later, I came home to visit, and he wanted to hang out. He was trying to kiss and touch, and he was still asking about the boyfriend thing. But my answer was still NO.

Well, 2 days later, I get on facebook and all of a sudden he is 'in a relationship' and he posts a butt load of pics of his girlfriend with his mom and sister, their trip to New york, and all these other random couple photos. I was REALLLY confused. So he had a girlfriend, but he was still trying to get at me? What? I left it alone and figured it was a good thing because now he could leave me alone, right? WRONG. Since then, Mr. Banana has STILL been sending me random a** text messages about how he misses me blah blah blah. Last year around October was when things go REALLY crazy. He sent me some questionable text messages and pictures of himself. I assumed he broke up with his girlfriend and I even went on facebook to check. He had taken of 'in a relationship. So I was like... okay they did brake up. Around that time I WAS feeling a little lonely and I got to a point where I was trying to figure out why I didn't like Mr. Banana. He was perfect on paper. Good job, funny, smart, tall, speaks yoruba, and everything else on my list. But I just wasn't feeling him back then. So I started thinking maybe I was just being a bitch. So he called me, and we started reminiscing about all the fun times we had. I decided to ask him about what happened with him and his girlfriend, and he tells me that they are still together. W T F? So I keep asking questions and find out that his girlfriend is a virgin and she wants to wait till marriage. He basically wanted to use me. He said that his girlfriend didn't care if he was messing around with other girls as long as he didn't tell her about it. He had already had sex with some other female. WHAT???? I told him that I was NOT that type of girl. I'm not a sideline ho/home wrecker. I get on facebook a few weeks later. BAM!! they're engaged and getting married at the end of this year.

I thought, finally, he'll stop talking to me. WRONG. A few weeks ago he sent me MORE messages about how he was thinking about me... blah blah blah. I mean, seriously?

So when I saw his facebook status I was like S T F U!


The whole situation with him scared me a little. I stopped whining over the fact that I didn't have a boo. I don't want to rush into any relationship with just anyone. I don't want to be anyone's #2. I'm going to take things slow, and wait for someone that I REEEEAAALLY like and someone that REEEAAALLY likes me. Some real L-O-V-E.

"Don't settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you can't live without."

WOWZERS

mannnnnnnnnn

something happened today. It was one of those situations where you thought someone had your back, and then BAM! they disappoint you. But it's okay. I'm just gonna brush it off. I expect NOTHING from NO ONE! I learned a long time ago that I can't trust anyone. All my trust is in the Lord.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

I have not watched T.V. since Feb. 17!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it. I watch WAY too much T.V. and it was starting to interfere with my studies, so I decided to give up T.V. for awhile. At first it was for lent, But then I was like.... why not give up T.V. until after boards? So I don't plan on watching T.V. again until Jun. 1, 2010. But there are a few exceptions. It's okay if I watch t.v. at someone's house if it just so happens to be on, or if someone comes over, then I'll let them turn on my t.v. I'm just not allowing myself to watch any tv shows/ movies (even online) when I'm alone. I didn't think I could do it. I remember when I first unplugged it, I almost started crying and my body was shaking, I felt like a crackhead. I can't believe how addicted I was. Back in October, I watched the first 5 seasons of The Office in 2 weeks AND all the seasons of 30 Rock in like 1 week. I sit in front of the t.v. for HOURS watching nonsense! Keep in mind that I am in medical school and my a** is supposed to be studying. I probably would have gotten 100s on my tests if I wasn't wasting all my time. Now I'm finally focused and studying like I should be. Board exams are right around the corner!!!!!!!!!!!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*

I've been having SUCH bad luck with guys.

Remember that cute boy I saw at church a few weeks back? Well he came to church again. And I was so happy, and I actually got to talk to him. By the end of the day I was already combining my first name with his last name and it sounded sooo perfect.

UNTIL...

I was leaving and one of my aunties yells across the parking lot and says to him, "OH (insert name here) how are you!!! Omo yin ko??" translation... he has a child. My heart was broken. I try my best to avoid guys with kids. And the following Sunday he brought his son to church. He's like 1 yr old. He's sooooo adorable, but I just can't do it. Anyways, I don't know if he liked me, so let me stop acting like something would have happened. HA!

AND THEN...

a few weeks ago I met a guy at KROGER! IN THE BREAD ISLE!! He asked me which bread was the best, and I proceeded to tell him about how to get the most fiber content per slice. It was really cute. And he turned out to be a 4th yr med student that went to school in Cali, but was here for an away rotation. AND he was Nigerian. So he asked me for number and I gave it to him and we planned on hanging out on that Friday after my exam. Well, the night before the exam, he sends me some funny sounding texts. ( I wish I didn't delete them so I could write what he said word-for-word). Anyways, it went something like this

Boy: good luck on test 2morrow
Me: thnx
Boy: so.. how do you want to be treated after a long daunting final exam
Me: lol.. what do you mean?
Boy: What do you normally do after you take exams
Me: I just sit on my couch and do nothing
Boy: You're boring, but don't worry I'M GONNA SPICE YOU UP LIKE A CHILI PEPPER IN A
BURRITO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: WTF does that mean? I hope you're not talking about sex.. cuz I don't get down
like that.

once he made the chili pepper burrito comment, I should have left him alone.

So we ended up hanging out that Friday after my test, and it was HORRIBLE. He ended up being MUCH shorter than I thought he was, and he was SOOOO irritating. He kept trying to touch/cuddle/kiss me. And he was RUDE. He kept calling me skinny and saying I needed a bigger booty. And because I wouldn't have sex with him he kept telling me I was 'putting up walls' and that I must have been seriously hurt in one of my past relationship. AND THEN homeboy tried to give me a lap dance and was gyrating on my leg. Since I didn't want to dance with him, out of no where he calls me an AKATA!!!!! i was like "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?" I was sooooooooooooooooooooo mad. I am NOT an AKATA. That was it. And homeboy was 30, soon to be 31. I assumed that by that age you would know what NOT to do with the opposite sex. I ignored his texts and calls after that.

~*~*~*~*~*
Hair News: I blew my hair out!!! I tried it yesterday and it was a FAIL. I don't know what I did wrong, but right after I blew it out, my fro instantly shrank back. Maybe I put too much leave-in conditioner and heat protectant spray. I was using two different kinds of spray for EXTRA protection but I think that was unnecessary. But I tried again today with just one heat protectant spray and the end result was FAB U LOUS!!! I was sooo happy. My hair feels SO soft! It's like a cloud!






so yea......

Let me go and do some Qbank questions before I go to bed.

Goodnite!!!!

more thoughts

well. my weekend was okay. Had a test on Friday, so I didn't do much on Saturday. Went to go get my oil changed, and it was the first time I had to take care of it because my dad usually does all that stuff. I thought it was going to cost like 30 dollars and it ended up being 65 dollars! I was like WTF!! but oh well.

I need to step up my study game. Got to get ready for boards.

Went to church today. It was very nice, refreshing, inspiring. I always feel 10X better about things in my life whenever I go to church. And its just nice to be around a whole bunch of Nigerians. Also saw a new boy at church today. I'm not sure if he's coming back, or maybe he was just visiting. But he was really cute. I'm not really boy crazy, so it's usually a big deal if I find a guy that I think is really cute. He's tall, light skinned, looks strong, speaks yoruba. I wasn't staring at him, and I only saw him from a distance, so he might not be as cute as I'm imagining. I normally don't like light skinned guys, but lately I've been more attracted to them. I LOOOOVE Yoruba speaking guys. Lets see what happens.

I'm in the process of getting my sexy back. I'm really weird because I loose weight SOOOO FAST. If I ran around a track once at full speed, I'd probably drop a pant size the next day. But then its sooo hard for me to gain the weight back. The first place I lose weight is in my butt and thighs, and I like my butt and thighs. But when I gain weight it goes to my stomach and my shoulders get wider... its really weird. I weight about 145 and dropped down to 130... and I'm trying to get back to at least 140. I'm tired of my jeans sagging. But either way, I realized I still need to exercise since its good for my health. I'm just gonna stick to yoga/pilates, etc. I just need to tone up even if the weight doesn't come back.

whatever. let me go get ready for tomorrow.

Adios!

NEW YEAR!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Hope this year will be a year filled with blessings for everyone!!!!

So every year I try to make new years resolutions...

1. Keep my apartment clean!!!!!! (especially during test weeks!)
2. Read my bible everyday
3. Try to read one novel every 2 months
4. Find a boo!!! hahahaha j/k
5. Study more and watch less t.v. ( I've already cancelled my netflix until after boards)
6. Save money

I have a serious problem when it comes to saving money. I do NOT know how to stick to a budget. I need to cut back on expenses. Less online shopping and less sushi. I'm a product junkie!! I buy WAY to many hair products, soaps, lotions, facial cleansers, etc. I need to STOP!

ok, enough of that.

So today, I went out with an old flame. We had this really weird best friend/lover thing going on a few years ago. It lasted about 3ish years. I loved him, and I still do, and always will. But it was REALLLLLY weird. We kind of ended things on a bad note and it seemed like we would never talk again, but somewhere along the way be started talking again. I think I never truly got over him since our 'friendship' ended so abruptly. So when we decided to meet up, I was sooo excited and thought that I would fall deeply in love all over again and end up marrying him. But after seeing him for the first time in a long time, I realized the spark was gone. The twinkle that I used to see in his eye was no longer there. I still care for him deeply, but the lovey dovey ooooh aaaah baby stuff has disappeared. And the weird thing is... I was happy that I felt that way. It made me realize that I had grown. I'm not the same person I was 3-4 years ago. For so long I kept thinking "what if?" What if we actually gave the boyfriend/girlfriend thing a serious try? I kept thinking that I'd left my one true love behind. My heart would ache so bad, and then I'd take out pictures of him and just daydream. But now I know we were not meant to be together forever. Because of the time we spent together, I know EXACTLY what I'm looking for in a significant other. I know how I am supposed to feel. I know how someone that loves me is supposed to treat me. I could go on and on... blah blah blha. You get the point. But I'm hoping he feels the same way, that would finalize the FRIENDS ONLY status.

So yea, we went to see Avatar. DID NO LIKE! It was not my type of movie, and it was way too long. And it was kind of weird. But oh well.

Ok, I need to go to bed.