Just You?

Yesterday was one of my best friend's birthday. We went out to eat at a really swanky restaurant in the nicer part of town. I also finally got to wear my new Bottega Veneta black pumps. She brought her boyfriend, which was cool. My other best friend also brought her boyfriend along. That was something that I was not expecting. So it was a little awkward and I kind of felt like the 5th wheel. I felt okay until the end when the waiter asked how to split the check. "So them two, them two, and just you? right?"  Right. That was when I was well aware that I was still single. I said a prayer and said Lord, this time next year I want to have someone to go on dinners with me and my girlfriends. I eventually got over it on the ride home.

Well, then I get home, sign on to Facebook and see that another one of my classmates is engaged. UGH! Then the feeling returns again. I hate this feeling. I really do. I have been single for 5 years now, and it's not getting easier. I'm just tired, frustrated and MAD that I'm allowing this to bother me.

Bleh.

Anyways. I've been slowly preparing for my move to start residency. I'll be in a town that's about an hour and a half from where my parents live. I have all new furniture now, and yesterday I went to go look for an apartment. I still haven't picked my apartment yet, and I may go back down to look at a few more. It's crazy because the apartments that had tons of pictures and good reviews turned out to be the most ugliest and unsafest looking places. Then the places that barely had pictures and had bad reviews online turned out to be the nicest. So I don't really believe all those reviews I read anymore. I'm not too worried, I know I'll find something decent. I know I'm ready to move into my own apartment. I haven't had anytime to myself since I've been living at home.

That's all for now...

O.M.G.

Oh my goodness!

So I'm totally feeling much better today, back to my happy dancing self.

I get out of the shower and I see a missed call from my dad.

I call back and he says he wants to talk to me about something my sister told them.

So yesterday I told my sister that I was feeling a little down about my no boo situation. Well my sister decided to tell my parents! And my dad says "your sister said that you were sad ALLLLL day after you heard that so and so is pregnant and because you are not married yet." What!? All day? That was NOT the case. I was sad for like 20 minutes! My family is very close and we tell each other almost everything. Thank goodness I didn't tell my sister that I was crying. So my dad went on and on and on and on telling me stuff I've heard several times. I was soooo embarrassed. But I do appreciate that they called to check up on me.

"Be strong, okay"- this is what my dad said before he hung up. haha

I love my family.

Tears

I don't even know...

Tears are falling down my face as I right this. I'm not sure I even understand why I'm crying.

Everything has been going soo well. I've been feeling the happiest I've ever felt in a long time. Everyday I've been singing, dancing and praising God for all that he has done in my life.

And now all of a sudden crying tears of frustration.

Well, I got news that a guy I used to be involved with is having a baby. He's been married for almost 2 years now, and it's been well over 3 years since I've seen him last. I don't like him, I don't love him, and it's not that I miss him. But when I got the news that his wife was expecting, I got warm all over, my heart started to beat faster, and the tears just started to fall.


I'm still single.


I don't even know how to explain what I am feeling inside.


I don't know. I'm ashamed and disappointed in myself for allowing this to upset me.


I'll get over it, I refuse to let this get me down.


My heart is in God's hands, and my time will come.

Updates

I just feel like I need to write. I don't even know what's going on in my life. Just randomness. I went to Miami 2 weeks ago. It was both good and bad. It was nice to get away and experience a new city. Beautiful city, good food, good shopping, and I had the best massage of my life. The best thing I had was the oxtail stew at Puerto Sagua, IT WAS SOOO GOOD! And I loved that all the Cuban restaurants had plantains. However, I did NOT stick to my budget and spent way more than I should have. I did find a reeaally cute purple Cole Haan bag that I am in LOVE with. It has that woven leather look that I love. It was originally $398, but on sale it was $179, so I HAD to get it. I plan on using this bag until I'm able to afford my Bottega Veneta. So what was bad about the trip? Well I went with one of my good friends. We've been friends since high school and this was our first trip together. I feel that after this trip, we might not be good friends anymore. I don't really know how to explain it. I think we aren't as good of friends as I initially thought. One day together was okay, but 4 was almost too much. We don't have as much in common, and there were some character traits she had that made me want to strangle her. I dunno. Only time will tell.

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I made my first outfit! I bought some ankara online and made a top and long skirt. It turned our really well, and I'm very proud of myself. I plan on making another outfit within the next month.

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Still no boo hahaha. 4 years, still single. However, a certain someone has been creeping into my thoughts lately. He's cute and everything, but I know we don't belong together. He's one of those dangerous guys that makes you push your boundaries. He's very smooth. He dresses well, he's Yoruba, very respectful... fine boy no pimples. lol Our families are actually very close, and there's definitely a mutual attraction, but my spirit tells me that it won't last. So I have to be careful. So I'm just being patient and waiting for God. Well that's all for now.

Soon...

So, I was totally fine a few minutes ago.

Now I'm suddenly in tears. I don't know what happened. I just started thinking about how I was tired of being single. I've been without a boyfriend for about 4 years now. 4 YEARS!!!!!!! I still can't believe it. If someone told be back in 2007 that I would still be single now, I wouldn't believe them. I honestly don't know how I made it this far. I have to thank God. I know that I've learned many new things about myself in the process. I also know that what I desire in a relationship has changed also. But I'm still frustrated. I don't want to be alone. Everyone wants to be in love. The things that makes it even crazier is that I don't even date. I may meet a guy that likes me, but I usually refuse to go out with them. They also tend to realize that I'm not interested so they stop calling/texting/facebooking lol. I know many people that ask how I expect to meet someone if I don't put myself out there and date. I'm waiting for God. When a guy approaches me, I may not automatically chase them away. I'll give them my # and talk to them a few times. But from the moment they approach me, I start to pray. I ask God if this is my husband, and I ask him to give me a sign. So for many guys I know that he's not the one God picked for me, so I don't even bother going on a date with them. I don't want to waste my time, or his.

So yes. I am frustrated. It is hard to be patient sometimes. Everyone keeps saying "soon." Oh don't worry, you'll find someone soon, maybe after your first year of med school. Oh don't worry, it will be soon, probably after you take your 1st board exam. Soon soon soon. I thought soon basically meant, a short period of time. So I guess it's true if you consider 4 years to be a short period of time.

I know God has a plan and I have faith in him.

Soon.