Really?

Soooo. The other day I'm just minding my business in the Pedi Endocrine office and I get a phone call. It was my friend saying that her bf found a Nigerian guy for me. So her bf thinks I'm like super lonely, and thinks that it's really sad that I've been single for 3ish years, so he was TRYING to help me out. So I ask her what he looks like. And she's like I dunno. She wanted me to DRIVE down to her bf job so that I could accidentally run into the guy. UMMMMM NO. I don't do that and I'm not that desperate. So I tell her to tell her bf to take a pic. I wasn't expecting much, about a minute later, I get the picture............................................................

All I could say was eeew. He was NOT attractive in any way shape of form. I was actually offended when I saw the picture. He said he was 24, but he like 44. It was a mess. I could NOT believe he thought I would date someone like that.


Anyways, I don't know what has gotten in to me lately. I've been shopping WAAAAY to much. I'm going to struggle and not spend anything until Christmas time. Let's see how well that goes.

DANG!!

I was doing sooooo well!!! I was okay with being single. I've been feeling fierce and fabulous for the past couple of months. Now all of a sudden I've got the single female blues! FAIL. Mr. Banana got married like 2 weeks ago and I was totally ok with it. I don't have feelings for him or anything so it's not like I was sad that he was getting married. I got a gift for him and the bride (something my friends said I shouldn't have done) and I was feeling totally ok. Today he sent me a text saying thanks for the gift. I asked how it felt to be married and he said it was great. And then all of a sudden I just started feeling exxxxtra lonely. Then I started day dreaming about being married, having someone to hold, kiss, share your life with etc. I mean I'm always daydreaming about that stuff.... but today it just kind of hurt for some reason. I'm starting to get restless. Everywhere I go, I wonder if I'm about to bump into my future husband. It's really sad. Really really sad. I wish the feeling would go AWAY, but I can't seem to control it anymore. Maybe after med school, during residency? Sigh. Oh well, I better suck it up and go on about my business.

I started reading that book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, I think it's by Josh Harris. I wish I had read this book before I started high school. It would have save me from a lot of drama, heart ache and pain. I don't 100% agree with everything I've read so far, but he does have some pretty valid points.

I just need to do better.

Just whatever

so yea. I'm back home now for my family med rotation. Feels good to be home. I've gained 4 lbs and I've only been home for 1 week.

Just been feeling like whatever lately. Feeling really tired and lazy right now.

I'm still waiting. Don't know when it's going to happen. Don't know where I'm going to meet him. I'm just waiting. Going about my business, and taking things one day at a time. But every now and then I just get that feeling. Like it would be nice to have someone to go the movies with, or have someone to cuddle with. Sometimes I miss having those late night conversations when you first meet a guy. Sometimes I wonder what he's going to look like. How tall is he going to be? Will I be swept of my feet? I have no idea. I just have to wait and see what God has in store for me.

So yea.

ugh

I hate med school right now. Hope it gets better when I get to another rotation.

Updates

It's 12:04am and I should be studying for my surgery shelf exam, or sleeping. But instead I'm blogging, watching t.v. and online shopping. I was super scared about my surgery rotation but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Yesterday was my last trauma call. I still don't want to be a surgeon though. I so excited, I just found out that I get to go home for my family medicine rotation. ONE MONTH AT HOME!!!! That means I get to go to the state fair this year! And I get to eat my mommy's good food!!! And I get to see my friends!! YAY!!!


My grandmother died July 16. It was very unexpected. We were planning on going to Nigeria to visit her this December. My mom hasn't gone back to Nigerian since she left 20+ years ago. She just wanted to see her mom before she died. So when my dad called me and told me the news, I was so devastated. I didn't know what to do or say. I just cried. She wasn't supposed to die yet. I wanted to finally meet her. I wanted her to meet my future husband. I wanted her to hold her great-grand kids. My heart was hurting for my mother because I know how badly she wanted to see her mom. But what can you do? When God says it's time, it's time. Rest in peace grandma. I love you.

STEP 1 is DONE!

sooooo. I'M DONE WITH USMLE STEP-1 !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I took it on June 2, and I've never felt so free in my life. I'm back home with my family and I'm being as lazy as I possibly can. I've lost 15 pounds since I've started med school, and I'm struggling to gain it back. I didn't even realize that I lost 5 more pounds during the last month of STEP 1 studying. It wasn't until I got home and everyone kept making comments about my weight. I decided to step on a scale, and saw that I weighed 130 lbs. I haven't weighed 130 lbs since junior high. I had also been wearing the same baggy boyfriend jeans and t-shirts for the past few months, so I didn't really notice the extra 5 lb weight loss. But now that I'm home sleeping and eating all day, I've gained 4 lbs!!! woo hoo!!!

I'm not ready to start school again. 3rd year starts on the 28th, but we start orientation next Monday. I have my surgery rotation 1st. 8 weeks of hell. I HATE surgery. I don't want to be a surgeon, it's just not my thing. I'm praying that those 8 weeks go by quickly, or that I'll miraculously develop a love for surgery. I'm actually scared to start 3rd yr. What if I just totally suck at everything? Haven't had any patient interaction since early April, and I feel like I've forgotten how to do a full H&P. Well, all I can do is pray and work as hard as I possibly can. 2 MORE YEARS LEFT!!!!!!! Jeez, time is flying by!!!!

So now that STEP 1 is done, I need a boo. Hahaha j/k. I'm not in a hurry. I'm going to be patient and leave it to God. And besides, STEP 1 broke me DOWN and I'm still trying to recover. I hadn't shaved my legs in MONTHSSSSSS and stopped taking care of my hair. My feet, oh Lord, my feet look a HOT mess! Oh and my eyebrows are just eeeew! And I feel like I've lost ALL fashion sense. But STEP 1 is DONE, and I'm taking my life back.

Anti- Socialite

I've been so irritated lately. Lately it's just been me, myself and I. Oh yea, and my books. I study so much that I just get too tired to interact with people. I despise going to school because I'm sick of seeing my classmates, and I don't want to talk to them. I don't want to talk to ANYBODY right now. I'm ready to get this stupid exam over with so I can go home and see my family. I am soooo home sick. UGH!

Lord help me.