Gotta go!

Soooo just had an interesting night.

Was on my way home and traffic on the highway was reeeeeally bad. My dumb self decided to drink several bottles of water before I headed home. I had to pee sooooo bad!!!!!! I kept thinking "the traffic has to clear up at some point so I can speed home." But NOPE! I even needed to exit and get to a gas station since I was almost out of gas. But I thought I could make it. Right when I passed the exit I realized I couldn't hold it anymore, and the next exit was at least a mile away. I thought about pulling to the median and peeing on the side of the freeway but I kept going. I even thought about peeing on myself, but I was in a rental car with cloth seats (If they were leather, I probably would have peed on myself!). I FINALLY got to the next exit and headed for the nearest parking lot. I knew I couldn't make it to the gas station. I parked and popped a squat and peed. There were even cars passing by and I DID NOT CARE!!! I realized I was right across from an Everest College with a crowd of people outside. I even had on my favorite pair of Paige denim jeans and I peed on the bottom of them, but I DID NOT CARE!!!!! Whoooooo I was sooooooo relieved!!!!

Then I headed to the the nearest gas station to get gas. As I was pumping gas some African guy came up to me and asked if I knew where he could find Mary Jane's African restaurant. I had no idea what he was talking about. I had never heard of a restaurant by that name in our area. I asked him what street it was on, but he didn't reply. I even Googled the name on my phone and nothing came up. I noticed that he was looking around, and he seemed kind of nervous. Well, as I pulled away from the gas station, I started to wonder if he was asking me for drugs. Mary Jane? I'm not sure, but who knows?

Not for me

I'm back home with my family for the month. I'm doing an away rotation in a dermatology clinic. We don't get much exposure to derm so I thought this would be a good chance to learn some new things that may help me in the future.

Well, I HATE dermatology. I think it's boring. They only care about the skin! The doctor I worked with today saw 50 patients between 7 and 12 pm. 50 PATIENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in a HALF DAY!!!!!! I'm used to seeing 35 or so patients between 8 and 5pm in internal/fam med/pedi clincs.

Also, I only work 3 half days a week. Nice, but I still don't like it. I found that I kept asking patients about their other medications, diabetes, hypertension, arthritis, and everything else besides their skin. Instead of walking around with a stethoscope, you walk around with a can of liquid nitrogen. When patients had other things going on, the staff was totally clueless. They didn't remember that klonopin was a benzodiazepine, and they didn't remember that metformin could be used for PCOS. This lets me know for sure that family medicine is the place for me. I love family medicine because it's a little bit of everything. I have no problem incorporating derm procedures into my practice, but I'd be unhappy if derm was my only focus. In fact, there were quite a few cases that I felt could have been managed by the primary care physician, but whatever.  Yea, they make more money, but money isn't everything. What matters is that I've picked a career path that makes me happy.

O.M.G.

Oh my goodness!

So I'm totally feeling much better today, back to my happy dancing self.

I get out of the shower and I see a missed call from my dad.

I call back and he says he wants to talk to me about something my sister told them.

So yesterday I told my sister that I was feeling a little down about my no boo situation. Well my sister decided to tell my parents! And my dad says "your sister said that you were sad ALLLLL day after you heard that so and so is pregnant and because you are not married yet." What!? All day? That was NOT the case. I was sad for like 20 minutes! My family is very close and we tell each other almost everything. Thank goodness I didn't tell my sister that I was crying. So my dad went on and on and on and on telling me stuff I've heard several times. I was soooo embarrassed. But I do appreciate that they called to check up on me.

"Be strong, okay"- this is what my dad said before he hung up. haha

I love my family.

Tears

I don't even know...

Tears are falling down my face as I right this. I'm not sure I even understand why I'm crying.

Everything has been going soo well. I've been feeling the happiest I've ever felt in a long time. Everyday I've been singing, dancing and praising God for all that he has done in my life.

And now all of a sudden crying tears of frustration.

Well, I got news that a guy I used to be involved with is having a baby. He's been married for almost 2 years now, and it's been well over 3 years since I've seen him last. I don't like him, I don't love him, and it's not that I miss him. But when I got the news that his wife was expecting, I got warm all over, my heart started to beat faster, and the tears just started to fall.


I'm still single.


I don't even know how to explain what I am feeling inside.


I don't know. I'm ashamed and disappointed in myself for allowing this to upset me.


I'll get over it, I refuse to let this get me down.


My heart is in God's hands, and my time will come.

I Refuse!!!!

This is my new motto.

I REFUSE!!!!

I refuse to be mad, sad, angry, frustrated, depressed, or negative about anything in my life. God has done so much for me, and I have been blessed in so many ways. I have NO reason to feel negatively about anything in my life.

Today in clinic, we had so many patients with soooo many issues. Chronic illness, poverty, death, chronic pain, I mean the list goes on. I thank God that I am in good health, and that my family and friends are in good health. I'm thankful for everything in my life.

When I left clinic today I had to walk an extra 10 minutes to get to my car, and it was hot, and I was looking a hot greasy mess, and my back was hurting, and I was hungry and getting grouchy. I quickly realized I had no REAL reason to be whining. So I quickly said to myself "I REFUSE!!!" I refuse to let such a spirit take over me. Instead, I should give thanks always and continue to praise God for all that he's done for me.

so yes...

I REFUSE!!!

I dunno

Well.

I think I mentioned this person before. I called her "Tammy." Well I've been trying to avoid this person for awhile. We were like bffs during my 1st year of med school and through a portion of my 2nd year. Well, she's not the greatest person, and I  learned this the hard way. I just didn't like how I felt around her and wanted her out of my life completely. So lately I've been avoiding her. For a time I even blocked her calls and texts. I don't know what happened but this person would just make me SOOO angry. Just seeing her facebook picture would make me think mean thoughts. I remember I wanted to tell her that I didn't want to be her friend anymore, but my parents told me not to. They said that was not the Christian thing to do.

I just didn't want to be around her anymore. When I decided I didn't want to be around her, simply running into her around town would instantly raise my blood pressure. I would just get mad, and it was like I was ready to fight at any second.

Well a few days ago she sent me a message about how she missed me and wanted to hang out, and wanted to know if I was still in town. I didn't respond. I was determined to let this girl KNOW that I didn't want to be her friend anymore. I didn't care if I was mean. I didn't care about her feelings. I just DIDN'T CARE!!!

I told my sister, and she said I was wrong for that. I told my mom, and she ALSO said I was wrong for that. She said it was not right for me to ignore her and try to avoid her. It would be different if she never called/contacted me again. But for the fact that she was still trying to be my friend, my family said I was wrong.

This made me ANGRY. Why was I ALWAYS the one that had to be nice. She was bad to me, so why couldn't I be bad to her? I know she doesn't truly care about my well being, so why the heck should I care about her? I have NEVERRRRR felt this way toward someone, and I felt I was allowed to be mean to someone at least once in my life.

But my family kept telling me it's not the Christian way. 

I remember listening to a sermon about unfruitful people in your life, and how they can negatively impact you. So I felt that this person was indeed unfruitful, so why couldn't I cut her out of my life? Isn't that what God would want me to do? This is something I really struggle with. I have been praying and asking God for guidance on the matter, but I just get so ANGRY and it's hard for me to let go of that anger.

I dunno.

9 years!!!!!!

I know a girl who has been dating a guy for 9 years! Well, she's not a girl, she a woman in a her late 20s. I don't think I could do that. 9 YEARS!!! Things looked a little iffy, and it didn't really look like their relationship was going towards marriage. By looking at them together I felt that if they DID get married it would probably end in divorce. I know that is a horrible thing to say, but I'm being honest. This lady is very beautiful inside and out, smart, hard-working, and with a good career. The guy is...... ummm eh. When I first met her I thought she was sooo fabulous, definitely a role model. I remember seeing some scraggly dude with her, and when she introduced him as her boyfriend I was like "noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!." I met her about 2 years ago and she was ready for him to put a ring on it. Now they broke up. There is nooooooo way I would be able to stay in a relationship that long without some promise of marriage. 9 freaking years!!!!!! AH AH!!!

I mean I understand that there are special circumstances. Sometimes you're too young, or sometimes you're still in school, or maybe it's a long distance thing.

For example, I have an aunty who went to school to become a doctor of pharmacy. Her husband also was in medical school. They met in their late 20s and were also a little late to go to school and get their degrees. These two dated for a looooooong time.  However everyone knew they were going to get married. The minute they finished school, they got married and had a son.

I was watching Say Yes to the Dress on TLC, and I saw a 50 something year old bride that had been engaged for almost 25 years!!!!!  They had lots of problems and illness in the family and they kept pushing back their wedding. CRAZY!!!!!

My goodness!!!!

I think it's different if you KNOW that you two are going to get married, as opposed to one person in the relathionship HOPING that there will be a proposal.

I told my mom and she said it's because the guy is an Akata (the girl is Nigerian). I'm not even gonna go there. lol.